I bought a dog the other day ... I named him Stay. It’s fun to call him...”Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!” He went insane. Now he just ignores me and keeps typing.-- Steven WrightWhen will all the rhetorical questions end?We have mileage, yardage and footage. Why don’t we have inchage?Bumper Sticker:If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.The other day, I was walking my dog around my building ... on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.-- Steven WrightStudies show that 100% of those who advocate abortion are people who already have been born.What’s dumb? Directions on toilet paper.What’s dumber than that? Reading them.Even dumber? Reading them and learning something.Dumbest of all? Reading them and having to correct something you’ve been doing wrong.Some time ago, there was this artist, who worked from a studio in his home. He specialized in nudes, and had been working on what he thought would be a masterpiece for several months. Vindictive? She told me, "Everything went extremely well,dear. There was something wrong with your male plumbing, but the problemhas been fixed... permanently. They say you will be a new man and Ibelieve them." Her words made sense but she seemed to be sayingsomething else at the same time. I didn't fully understand but was gladI didn't have anything serious wrong with me. Angel said that we couldgo back to the hotel in a few hours and enjoy the rest of our vacationbefore returning home. "One thing, though," she pointed out, "is thatthe bandages will have to stay on until we're back in the States, so youwon't be able to hop on top of me and get your rocks off for a while."She leaned over me, her full bust temptingly close, and whispered hotlyin my ear, "We can look forward to getting back to business after we'rein our own bed. I know I'LL be thinking about it all the time untilthen."The way she said that got ME thinking about it non-stop. I was alreadyrammy from several days.
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